Move over, Amnesty International! There’s a new organisation on the horizon, ready to take care of all the things previous human rights movements avoided. C.O.S.A.D.C. is its name – Citizens Of Serbia Against David Copeland, and it’s more of an idea than a movement right now.
My idea, to be precise, that no man, woman or child in this country should be content before the Nailbomber gets what he deserves – a seventh consecutive life sentence.
Ok, it’s not that big at the moment. In fact, I’m its only member. But once I succeed in getting Copeland to stay in jail for seven lifetimes instead of only six, people will be queuing to campaign for the not yet exploited causes in the name of C.O.S.A.D.C. – from preventing cats’ rights abuses in France to putting the end to the horrible exploitation of dogs in German porn flicks. The name will, of course, be changed accordingly, to build up the public awareness for the issues raised – C.O.S.A.C.R.A.F., C.O.S.A.P.O.G.P.F…. only the sky will be the limit.
Why David Copeland, I hear you ask? Well, why not? We know he did it and pretty much everyone who knows about him is also against him, so the only thing left for me to do is petition for the British constitution and/or criminal law to be changed. I don’t know all that much about it either, but hey, how difficult can it be?
An added bonus would be the fact that the only opposition my campaign might have is David’s dad, the one who looks like he’s auditioning for a leading role in ‘Only Fools and Horses – the Musical’. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if he jumped right on board with the campaign, especially when he hears about the added air time he would provide with a move like that (“Yes, we all love and support David, but he already got six of them by regular means. I can’t see where’s the harm in giving him a seventh.”).
Besides, it’s not like something like this hasn’t been done before. In fact, people are doing it all the time, poking their noses into other nations’ business. Just last week I saw an Amnesty International representative giving an interview to the BBC. It was a woman, by the way (God forbid a humans’ rights group representative should be a man), and amongst other things, she said “we mustn’t rest until justice is done and Slobodan Milosevic stands trial in the Hague”.
Excuse me? “We”? Who exactly is this “we”? There aren’t many people that don’t praise Slobba for what he’s given them – most of the times the thing given was an independent state and the people in question were everyone from Croats to Bosnian Muslims and Kosovo Albanians, so it can’t be them that she was talking about. The only nation I can think of that has every right to wish his long, painful, and most of all soon death, therefore being the one best qualified for the role of “we”, is his very own, the one I’m a part of. Needless to say, I don’t remember anyone from Serbia giving a measly representative rights to speak in their name. That is, unless you count all those elections.
Now, Amnesty International is also campaigning for the sanctions to be lifted, a goal which goes hand in hand with the previous one, the ousting of Slobba. You lift the sanctions, people start getting better while no long fearing hitting the rock bottom, and they vote Slobba out of power.
He doesn’t agree, a small civil war breaks out, Slobba’s dead in a few days, Serbia becomes a democracy, and in the end, everybody’s happy – a textbook example of reverse psychology (to the National Security people reading this: This was just a theory. I’m in no way calling for an uprising against the government, the state, or the president. And even if I am, the anti-terrorism law doesn’t apply here, so sod off).
But the governments to which Amnesty is appealing to are everything but bright specimens of humanity. They use the very same strategy insects have while trying escape the house through closed windows – if you put enough effort into something, no matter what the tactics are, it’s bound to succeed. Effort equals pressure, and in their book, pressure is a synonym for sanctions, so they just make sure there’s a lot of them, the more Amnesty talks about justice the harder these sanctions get, and down goes the president, right?
Well, it just ain’t gonna happen.
While the things people from Amnesty are doing aren’t directly harmful, and some, like calling for sanctions to be lifted are the exact opposite of that, the information Amnesty generously spreads around is what’s causing most of the damage.
When they’re doing what they are supposed to, criticising their own countries and trying to improve human rights at home first, their announcements are conveniently printed in the smallest of letters on the 36th page of The Times, if at all. But if they say something in the lines of “ has a very poor human rights record”, it’s bound to end up on the front page, with at least one current events programme talking about it.
That’s why I’m taking no chances – it’s poking around all the way. Serbia? Serbia who? This way I might as well end up giving an interview for the infamous RTS about how the justice system in Britain is crap. Those of you who’d like to join the crusade for improving the rights of French cats and those poor German Shepherds should bare in mind that this after all, is Serbia. So to keep in line with the local traditions, start your own movement, or better yet a dozen of them, and we’ll see about making a coalition. Just remember: I was there first.