Why Frank & Pat Should Get It On!

Lost love, missed opportunities, broken heartstrings, unrequited passions. Been there, done that. But I still want ‘big Frank’ and ‘fat Pat’ to get back together in EastEnders!

Surely we all know that they were destined to be together, they are the (real) loves of each other’s lives and their second marriages to Roy and Peggy are little more than marriages of convenience?

Now that the scriptwriters have tantalisingly tempted us with Frank and Pat’s brief indiscretion in the sun, I hope they’re not going to go and ‘wuss out’ on us and leave it with Pat forever bleating: “I can’t, Frank, I can’t; it’s wrong; Roy deserves better”.

That’s boring and that’s what happens in real life (most of the time). Dull, boring, sober, married people denying their feelings and precluding themselves from ever fulfilling a true grand passion in favour of the monotonous security and conformity of the car, the mortgage, the pension, plan and social propriety.

Fiction and televised drama should allow us to escape from the mundane mores of real life and let us see what might happen if we could all follow our heart’s desires: what if Frank and Pat were to elope to Gretna Green? What if Peggy and Roy ended up providing mutual support and consolation for each other and found that they were better suited?

What if Frank and Pat were to remarry and continue living in Albert Square and resume joint helmsmanship of The Queen Vic? What if that meant they could finally be truly happy, and start living instead of just existing, walking round Albert Square always giving each other soulful glances of “what could have been; what might have been”?

What if … this was the biggest ratings booster for EastEnders in years?

Don’t let us down now scriptwriters – there has to be an affair! We want the tears, the tantrums, the recriminations, the drama and the romance!

We’ve already had to suffer Cracker giving up his mistress and going back to his (pregnant) wife for the sake of the family. Please don’t let us endure more months of Frank continuing to humour the giggling midget who props herself on a bar stool every night (instead of serving behind it) while he looks wistfully across to Pat… and Pat having to suffer the ‘worthy’ and ‘decent’ (but lifeless) Roy.

There are no young children involved and as far as Janine is concerned, can you imagine anyone WANTING to ‘stay together’ for the sake of Janine?

Pur-LEASE!! Elope to Gretna Frank and pack your horrible, malicious little strumpet of a daughter off to Manchester! You know it makes sense!